shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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