living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
