I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Someone signed my nipple.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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