the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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