I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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