We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
