i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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