VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
