I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
