I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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