he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
