I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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