Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
