i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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