I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
did i just pee glitter
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
