It's like a parade of train wrecks.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
