I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
