where am i from again
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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