Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I miss vodka workout Fridays
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
