that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
