I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
