I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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