The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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