Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
