someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Are we still banned from the library?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
that may or may not have been my penis.
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