She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize