yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
