What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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