Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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