roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
