I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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