I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You were trust falling into bushes
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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