You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
