I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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