I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
