oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Randomize
