After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
