I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
