dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
