somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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