The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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