He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize