my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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