Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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