dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
