Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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