Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
