Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize