I showed him my bush... on skype.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize