Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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