I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
