But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
