I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
