I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
