i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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