what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
