Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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