You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
