I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
