There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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