Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
