Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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