If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
