I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You smell like stripper and shame
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
