At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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