You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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