He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
how does that bad decision feel?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize