"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
