my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
