Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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