chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
