You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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