Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
