Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
