I like to think it a success when the cops are called
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
