I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
