What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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