I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
where are you?
Hypothermia
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize