chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize