tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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