i wish peter jackson would direct porn
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
