You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
