Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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