What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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