the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
