I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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