dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
