you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
