We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
