yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
