you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
