Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
