If i come over, it means nothing
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
