it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
