I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
