you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Randomize
