The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Last time i carry you out of a forest
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Never joke about your clitoris.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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