she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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