When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
