i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
