Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Randomize
